Life in Vain: Jobless Reincarnation

203 – Endgame – I

203 – Endgame – I

Eri's scream cut through the air. "I HATE YOU RUDY! I'M NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN! FUCK!"

I winced at the sudden stab of guilt in my heart, but I couldn't say anything in return.

It was the start of spring. And it was also the time for all of my lovely children to be born.

But of freaking course, they were all clamoring to greet their new papa at the same time.

I knew childbirth was stressful considering that I was there to help deliver my baby sisters, but it was something else being the dad.

Mom, Mama Lily, Rose, and Rostelina, were all on deck to help as mid-wives. And the giant imperial master bedroom had been converted to a hospital room for the births.

I had thought it would go smoothly. I mean, Eri was tough as nails, Sylphy was tougher than nails, Roxy was rational and collected, and Rika had an Empress's composure.

Of course, I grossly underestimated the pain of childbirth, it seemed.

Mom patted Eri's head and said, "Relax and take calm breaths, Eri. You can't tense up now, okay?"

Eri took deep breaths. "I'll... I'll try."

Sylphy looked over at Eri from her bed. Sweat covered her body, but she put on a forced smile and said, "Does your love for Rudy only go that far, Eri?"

"YES!" Eri turned to snap at Sylphy and said, "This is the worst pain I've ever felt! And shut up! You just have one! I have two!"

Off to the side, Rika nodded. "I agree. This pain is new pain... But I will endure. This will not kill me... And Eri." Rika looked at her. "I have three. Please be considerate."

Eri nodded. "And you're a trooper, but FUCKING DAMN THIS HURTS!"

While those three were talking, Roxy sat there just gritting her teeth. Mercy was nearby, bouncing in the air with a worried look, but offering moral support.

As for me.

...Well, I was just standing awkwardly to the side not sure of what to do.

Like, do I make the rounds and calm them down? But it seems like they're all in pain, and in varying degrees of it. And also mentally unstable... although reasonably so.

It could end poorly. And-

At that time, Mama Lily walked over and placed her hands on my shoulder.

I blinked and said, "Mama Lily?"

She smiled and said, "I am sure that you mean well, Rudy. But..." She glanced back and then said, "...It would be best if you leave it to us from here."

Eri heard that and then screamed. "YEAH! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE RUDY OR THE FIRST THING I'M DOING IS KILLING YOUR ASS!"

I let out a nervous laugh and let Mama Lily guide me out of the room. "I'll leave it to you all then, Mama Lily."

She gave me a polite smile, shoved me out the door, and then immediately slammed them shut.

The soundproofing in the room was great. It was personally designed that way considering the nightly activities taking place there.

But even then, I could hear Eri screaming and crying from inside.

...Well. I guess that's what happened when anesthetics didn't work on you because you were too strong.

A chuckle echoed from beside me.

I turned and saw Dad leaning against the wall, smirking.

"Being a dad isn't as easy as you thought, huh?"

I walked past him and said, "Oh shut up, Dad. You can't say that when I'm the one who had to help deliver my baby sisters."

Dad shook his head and said, "I definitely CAN say that. Because as I'm sure you're aware now, being the helpless guy who just has to wait is terrible."

"..."

I ignored him and kept walking down the hall.

Like Mama Lily said, I just had to leave it in their hands.

I wasn't worried.

Mom, Mama Lily, Rose, and Rostelina all had experience as midwives and with delivering babies. Not only that, but Mom and Mama Lily also knew how to do C-sections in the worst-case scenario.

I wasn't worried about something going wrong with the delivery.

I was just guilty and worried about how much pain they were all going through.

I didn't doubt how painful it was. After all, 'that' part down there had to expand to fit a whole baby, and lots of things tore along the way. Then there was all the pushing that needed to happen...

Yeah. Just objectively, it was terrible.

...Was it bad that I thought they could all handle it though?

I mean, Mom had suffered a bit, but she got through both Norn and Stella. And then Mama Lily was a trooper when it came to Aisha...

...This was one of those cases where I had a biased sample size as my experience, wasn't it?

Another thing to add to the old Greyrat book for dummies...

Dad held his hands behind his head as he walked beside me. But as we passed by a window, he looked outside and said, "Looks like we're gonna have a hell of a day."

I followed his gaze and then sighed. "Looks like it."

Dark storm clouds. Fluctuating mana in the atmosphere...

While nothing crazy like the space-time distortion event, it was definitely something afoot.

I shifted my gaze back to Dad and said, "Well, a last-ditch effort still has a chance of working, I guess. You'd be an idiot to not try it, right?"

Dad tapped his hand on the hilt of the crystal sword I made for him. "It's a good thing that Pierre is stuck watching the kids." He grinned and said, "We get some father and son time for the first time in a while, right?"

I pulled out a certain golden sword from my pocket space and nodded. "Looks like it. Now they definitely can't get in here with the crazy protections Orsted revised after last time, so... should we meet them outside?"

Dad responded by swinging his sword... only for nothing to happen. "H-Huh?"

I facepalmed. "What did I JUST say about the crazy protections, Dad?"

He coughed and then said, "Right. Of course it wouldn't work, haha..."

I sighed and then started into a light jog towards the exit. "Come on. Shouldn't take us long."

-RNG-

Lightning flashed amidst a torrential downpour. With it, a dragon with shimmering silver scales raised its head to roar.

And then Dad swung his sword.

Sparks sprayed through the air, but the dragon's neck was pierced and severed. It's roar, cut off just like its head.

I clicked my tongue as I dodged a suit of manatite armor come to life and then said, "Dad! You can't keep one-shotting them! It's less fun!"

Dad landed on the ground and shouted back at me. "I can't help it if they're that weak!"

I dodged a manatite sword swung at my head and then stabbed the suit of armor in the chest plate.

A heavy impact echoed before it flew backwards and disintegrated with a bloom of golden light.

Seeing that, I clicked my tongue and stared at my sword. "Even as a prototype, you're a bit too strong, huh?"

It was a golden sword that I made as a prototype after Akito's insistence.

Something about a man's fantasy being able to hold a golden sword up to the sky, shout Excali*ur, and then blast everything apart with a golden energy wave.

Right now, the energy wave was really just a compressed blast of mana like the hydra had used. But apparently, it was strong enough to overwhelm magic nullifying minerals.

Good to know, but bad for having fun with monsters.

I sighed and chucked my sword back in my pocket space before grabbing the manatite sword the suit of armor was just using.

At the same time, I also swept up the broken fragments.

While not as good as the phew intact hydra scales I picked up, it should be good material for stuff.

Lightning struck the ground in front of me, spawning... a skeleton with golden armor riding a giant spider?

Huh?

Wait, is that really a-

A brief twang.

That was all the warning I got before a barrage of flaming arrows fell upon me.

I instinctively swung my new reappropriated sword and then held out my hand to blast the skeleton with a spell.

A ripple emerged where the manatite sword struck the arrows, and the flames vanished.

Immediately after, red lightning flashed and turned both the skeleton and spider into ash.

...And then I noticed that in the process, my sword had starting glowing red as well.

Paired with how I was dressed, what with my formal black coat and all...

Hm.

Let's hope I don't have someone saying "it's over, I have the high ground" or "you were the chosen one" anytime soon.

After all, the path to the dark side was one-

...No. Let's stop there.

Lightning flashed again, and then a fleshy green creature with just a torso and four nubby legs started running towards me.

A flash of recognition and an instinctive reaction.

I slashed it with my sword, splitting it apart. And then I conjured a barrier around it.

Not a moment later, a explosion erupted, filling the air inside the barrier with dirt and smoke.

At that time, Dad arrived beside me. Glancing around, he said, "These are some pretty weird monsters here."

I stared as lightning struck again, revealing a strange pig-like humanoid with a rotting face and a golden blade.

"...Yeah. I blame the messed-up biomes from the space-time distortion."

That was totally a zombie pigman from M*necraft.

What the heck was Being W doing? I mean, I got that this place was supposedly called the 'Six-Faced World' or something because it was a die, but it wasn't a block.

And how the heck did he even know about this thing?

Was it coincidence?

...Or maybe another 'Rudy' had plopped them off somewhere before the distortions got resolved and they were spawning in now?

I had so many questions. But I guess they didn't need to be answered right now.

Instead...

Dad cracked his neck and watched as a horde of green-skinned undead in a turquoise shirt and blue pants emerged. Holding out his sword, he said, "We can fight and talk, right?"

I took a quick look around.

We were in the fields right behind the Imperial Palace.

Although I could see lightning strikes and monsters spawning all over Arcadia with Clairvoyance, most of it, as expected, was focused here.

...I still had questions on why the heck it was M*necraft mobs, but at least it made things simple.

"Sure. Let's slash and talk."

With that, I dashed towards the horde of zombies, sword in my left hand.

Dad dashed in after me. Cutting down a zombie in front of him, he said, "How are you feeling being a new father, Rudy. Has it hit you yet?"

I punted a zombie through the air with a kick and said, "Not yet. I think that'll change when I hold my kids though. At least, that's how I felt when I made Ena and Eos were born... made... however you called them being brought into this world."

Dad did a powerful stab, piercing through a dozen zombies. After swinging his sword to free it, he said, "You never did explain how they were born. Do they have a mother?"

"Technically, no. Practically... I guess you could say mana itself?"

"Hm?"

I casually grabbed a zombie's neck and ripped off its head before bowling over a dozen with it. After that, I said, "I used my blood and mana, mixing it with ambient mana and tried to summon a powerful creature that could fight and help me research, and then I tried to summon a powerful creature that could help me survey the land and guide troops."

A zombie lunged, trying to bite my neck.

I broke its shins and stabbed it in the head.

After, I looked at Dad and said, "You wouldn't believe how surprised I was when two cute angels appeared in front of me."

"Wait." Dad paused and looked at me. "You mean you spread your essence to the world, impregnated it, and made it give you a pair of daughters?"

"No." I paused. "...But technically yes?"

Dad whistled and said, "Alright. Gotta admit, Kid. Even your old man here couldn't do that."

"I know." I punted a zombie baby trying to sneak up on me and then said, "Considering how you and my moms fuck like bunnies but I still don't have another baby brother or sister, I kinda figured you were nothing but blanks, Dad."

"H-Hey!" Dad kicked a zombie pigman out of the way and said, "I'll have you know that your old man can get it through the night long enough to satisfy two women!"

I swung my sword, cleaving apart the last of the horde of zombies. After that, I turned to Dad and said, "There's a difference between being able to raise a mast and being able to plant a tree, Dad. You gotta be able to do both... And before you say it, it's definitely a you thing considering both Mom AND Mama Lily haven't gotten pregnant yet."

I smiled back at her, and then I moved to my next wife.

Or rather, my lovely Empress.

Rika sat up in her bed, propped against a load of pillows. And when she saw me approach, she smiled and said, "It took you long enough, you monster."

I shook my head and said, "You are never letting me live that down, are you."

Rika pointed at the three cribs next to her and said, "Look at the consequences of your actions and tell me you aren't a monster for inflicting that on me."

"Ahaha..." I let out an awkward laugh while I walked over to look at our triplet daughters.

At first, I thought they were completely identical.

But as I took a closer look, I saw that they weren't.

Our daughter on the left had lilac-colored hair like Rika, but her eyes were a bright pink with heart-shaped pupils.

Meanwhile, our daughter in the middle had silver hair and silver eyes with pupils that looked like a crescent moon.

And lastly, our daughter on the right had lilac hair like Rika, but she had golden eyes with star-shaped pupils.

...Maybe hair and eye colors got wonky with demon genetics.

I mean, Rika herself had rainbow colored eyes, so it kind of made sense?

But anyway, our triplet daughters were sleepy, so I let them be and looked back at Rika.

Before I could say anything though, she said, "The one on the left is Riru. The middle one is Kadi, and the last is Usri."

I blinked and said, "I have no say in this, huh?"

Rika's eye twitched and she said, "Again, after-"

"-What I did, I have no right, yadayada. I got it, Rika."

Rika clicked her tongue and said, "I was going to say that after our discussion last time, it was already decided. But it seems that you want to put words in my mouth just as much as-"

"Can we PLEASE not talk like that around the kids?"

Rika rolled her eyes. But after that, she dropped the haughty Empress act and gave me a genuine smile. "...I joke about it a lot. And you definitely have an insatiable appetite... but still." She reached up to grab my hand and said, "Thank you, Rudy."

I paused and then knelt down to kiss her hand. "No. Thank you, Rika. As always, you keep putting up with me and helping me with everything."

Rika laughed. "If not me, who else?"

"Well, there are three other beautiful women here who would volunteer."

Rika snorted and said, "You say that, but do you think any one of them could properly run an Empire like me?"

I paused to think about that.

Eri... Hm. She actually would grow into it a bit. She was already pretty level-headed these days and helped ground me a lot, so probably.

Sylphy would definitely run it to the ground though. Could easily see her being a tyrant empress doing stuff behind my back to keep the Empire 'peaceful.'

As for Roxy...

Well. She tended to easily get lost in research. And I knew first-hand how much she hated bureaucracy from how she reacted with being the headmaster of Ranoa Magic Academy, so...

"Don't answer that." Rika interrupted me and said, "It won't end well for you either way you answer."

I started to sweat and then nodded.

Rika reached up to stretch and then glanced over towards Eri and Sylphy, who were both already asleep. Seeing that, she nodded and said, "Since the others are doing it, I might as well also sleep."

I gave Rika a peck on the cheeks again and said, "Good work, Rika. I appreciate you a lot. Really."

"Then say 'I love you' more, you selfish bastard." Rika grumbled and then rearranged her pillows so she could lay down.

I smiled and kissed her on the lips. "I love you. Better?"

Rika blushed and then buried herself in her blankets.

I chuckled and then patted her head before walking over to Roxy.

When I arrived at her bedside, she gave me a weak smile and said, "I heard the lightning. Is everything alright?"

I patted her shoulder and said, "Everything's fine, Roxy. Are you alright?"

Roxy laughed and then turned over on her side to look at our daughter. "Books and teachings only tell you so much. Experience is the only real way to know."

I followed Roxy's gaze and looked at our daughter.

And our daughter immediately turned to look back at me.

She was cute, with blue hair just like Roxy. But she surprisingly had golden eyes like I currently did.

And that wasn't the only surprise.

'Papa?'

I flinched and then looked at Roxy.

Roxy laughed and said, "She's special, isn't she?"

"I... It seems so?"

I blinked and then looked at our daughter. Then I tentatively sent her a mental transmission. 'Can you understand me?'

Our daughter blinked and then giggled. And immediately after, I heard a cute voice in my head.

'Papa! Papa papa!'

Okay. Mild heart-attack resolved.

Our daughter wasn't a reincarnator, just a really smart baby girl.

...Though Roxy's words about experience being the real way to know suddenly made sense.

'Mama! Papa papa!'

Roxy smiled and then shimmied over close to the crib. After that, she reached out to gently grab our daughter's hand and said, "That's right. Your Papa came back."

'Papa!'

After saying that, our daughter giggled.

I was still processing this new information. But I decided that I could process it later and shelved it.

For now, I looked at Roxy and said, "I'm asking just in case, but have you decided on a name for our daughter, Roxy?"

Roxy hummed and then turned to look at our daughter. "What do you think? Do you want Mama to choose a name, or Papa?"

Our daughter blinked and furrowed her eyebrows. But then...

'Papa!'

I let out a wry smile and said, "Do you really understand, Daughter...?"

Roxy smiled. "Well, she DID choose, Rudy. And you did think of a good name this time, right?"

I hummed and then reached out to hold our daughter's hand.

She smiled and then giggled. 'Papa! Papa papa papa!'

Hearing that in my head, I laughed too and said, "You like me that much, huh?"

'Papa!'

I smiled. "Alright. Then for a name..."

The original plan was to go for Selena. But seeing how special our cute baby daughter was...

"How about Celeste?"

'Celes?'

I blinked and shook my head. 'Celeste. That's your name. Celeste, not Celes.'

'Celes! Mama! Celes!'

"..."

Roxy giggled.

I let out a wry smile and said, "Celes is a good name too, I guess..."

Celeste... or I guess, Celes, let out a yawn. After that, she slowly closed her eyes.

And hearing that tiny yawn, Roxy started to yawn as well.

Smiling, she looked at me and said, "Well. Since I worked hard, I've earned my rest, right, Rudy?"

"Of course." I smiled and said, "Thank you for your hard work."

Roxy giggled and said, "Do you know that you sound like a golem now with how many times you've said that?"

"Even if it's repetitive, it's worth saying to each of my lovely wives."

Roxy smiled. "That's right. Keep that in mind and we won't tear you apart."

"...That's a joke right?"

"Maybe~"

I let out a sigh.

Roxy giggled one more time and then leaned back in her bed, making herself comfortable. After that, she smiled and said, "Good night then, Rudy. I'll see you later..."

I gave her a kiss on her cheek and said, "Pleasant dreams, Master."

"Cheeky bastard."

"I missed being that by a few months, so, no."

"Tch."

I smiled and then left the room, giving my wives and my new children the rest they needed.

-RNG-

The war council room in the Imperial Palace on the first floor.

After leaving me to meet my new children, Dad had apparently repurposed it to a makeshift bar.

I didn't know how he managed to find the beer, steaks, and bottles of wine, but I appreciated the fact that he did.

Especially since it was time to square away the final game plan.

Right now, me, Dad, Pierre, and Orsted were sitting around a small circular table.

Dad was on my left, Orsted was on my right, and Pierre was seated across from me.

After we all settled in and Dad poured us mugs of beer from the tap, Dad raised his mug and said, "Cheers to Rudy and my seven new grandchildren!"

I raised my mug too, and then said, "When you say it like that, it's actually kind of a lot, huh..."

Pierre raised his mug for the toast and said, "Cheers. Though I can't imagine how you're going to deal with it. I barely managed with just Lulu..."

Orsted raised his mug as well and said, "Congratulations to you and your wives, Rudy. Although, I have to agree that seven children is quite the number... None of the other royalty I have encountered in my life has come close to that."

I laughed as we finished the toast. "Yeah... well... It just happened."

Dad laughed and then took a sip of his beer. After that, he said, "That's what we told your grandparents about you. They weren't amused."

I nodded. "Of course. They're the most orthodox Milis followers you could find. I'm surprised they're even starting to come around in the first place."

Pierre sipped on his beer and said, "Thank your aunt for that. She's been chipping away at them for a while now... And it helps that Cliff is getting married to Ena."

I blinked. "Wait, what?" I frowned. "I didn't hear about this."

Dad facepalmed. "Pierre."

Pierre froze and then turned his head to cough. "I-I mean in another timeline! Right! Definitely not this... Fuck." He groaned and then chugged his beer.

Orsted cracked a smile and sipped on his beer. After that, he turned towards me and said, "Your life is never a dull moment, is it, Rudy?"

"Apparently not, even when Being W isn't messing with me." I frowned and sipped on my beer.

So Cliff already asked Ena for her hand in marriage, huh?

Mm... I'll wait a few days to see if he was just being polite about the timing.

He was a traditional and romantic sort of guy, so he would definitely come to ask me for Ena's hand in marriage.

...Actually, would he try challenging me for it instead?

Hm. Might need to do more practice holding back...

Dad set his beer down and said, "Speaking of Being Whitey." He looked around the table and said, "What's the move?"

Orsted looked at me. "Yes. Since your children have been born safely, it is time for us to finish things with that person, is it not? Moreover... considering that silver-haired man's appearance in the past, I presume you have already set events into motion?"

I took a swig from my mug and then said, "It's complicated. Before all of that." I looked at Pierre and said, "You mentioned you were going to finally explain who you were after my kids were born, right? Well, they are now. So..." I narrowed my eyes. "Who the hell are you, 'Pierre?' Sure, you're Technique God Laplace... but you're also definitely a Greyrat. So who... No. 'What' are you?"